Hardly anyone talks about this, but each woman who enters menopause should know it and not be surprised… Perimenopause Symptoms are less talked in people because they are not as easy as they are pronounceable.
Of course, some women haven’t faced this, and their pre-menopause period was much easier. This was written for a woman who didn’t know she could pass on this way. There’s usually talk about insomnia, sweating, high blood pressure, joint pain, anxiety, osteoporosis, but no one talks about psychological moments, moments of fear and panic, about period once you realize that there’s an opportunity of harming yourself. You’re not such an individual, but that feeling is somewhere there… It appears unexpectedly, suddenly… It slaps you once when you don’t expect it; it takes over your whole body, chills spread along your spine, your back is numb, and your heart starts beating without control. You do not know how to behave. Instead, you’d sneak into a corner and sit there until it’s over. On asking how long do periods last, depend of each individual.
While we are young, none care how it’ll be; while you’re a girl, you undergo puberty and everything else. Then comes the time once you have children, where they take all of your time and your energy, and if you have a job, then there’s no place to think about how it’ll be.
When all this passes, and you’re not even aware how time passed so quickly, then comes first phase of the perimenopausal, or as I call it, “third puberty”. Wonderful!!! Lost in hopelessness and the knowledge that not everything can go as you imagined, you come to new experiences and new knowledge about the period that comes! So, where and when my time has gone… my life with less worry and more enjoyment…
How everything started
This part of my life started with panic attacks and sudden crying, which I couldn’t control…. For God’s sake, what’s happening to me? Why am I scared? Why can’t I open the window of my apartment on the second floor? Does the curtain always need to be drawn on the window? Do I even have to hide behind it and consider it as an obstacle that doesn’t allow me to try to do something stupid? Why can’t I cross the street? Will I suddenly jump in front of a vehicle? Can’t I walk on the sidewalk as freely as before, or do I even have to go far away from the track? Why am I crying? What’s the reason?
Well, there’s no such reason but I cannot stop crying! As all it came, all it goes, as nothing had happened! On the bus is a crowd and I can’t breathe, so? Ok, dear, think about something beautiful… Really?!?! “Beautiful!!!” And what’s “beautiful” now? Everything “beautiful” is gone, and it evaporated! Where? When? Well, I do not know!!! Then think about your breath, keep breathing deep, you can do it!!! Okk… It worked this time.
Oh, but look at this now… with menopause symptoms my blood pressure jumped for no reason; there’s also an arrhythmia… ahhhh and bigger panic is coming. I started to forget things, my mind began to be blurring, and all that happened to me, me who remembered every little things! When I’m “normal,” I wonder where all this came from; until yesterday, I used to be fine. Before cleaning window and crossing the street was not problem and look at this now!
As the day goes on, I become more and more insecure. The state of panic and fear changes with the state of heart palpitations and physical helplessness. This day is different from the previous one, and everything goes in a circle! I couldn’t catch some rhythm. The period is still here, not as regular as before, but it’s here! Everything is somehow different, blurred as it happens to someone another but not to me. I couldn’t accept those changes, I’m still young, and I still want to live unhindered. I stopped my ages on age at 45, no more than 48. My soul remains young! I even have numerous ideas and desires… will I achieve everything, or a minimum of a few?
Desperate and distraught, I begin to research
I went to a psychologist, hoping he’ll tell me something meaningful. And yea, he told me… “It’s time for magnificent hormonal imbalance, time for Perimenopause Symptoms!” Aaaaaaaaaa… Nooooo… and what should I do with it now???? It has to be easier than this!!! I’ve always waited for a time when I could travel with a peaceful mind, hang out around with people without watching my watch, enjoying things that I couldn’t do while I used to be busy with other commitments.
Ok, darling, you have to see how to bring yourself out of THIS with more minor “damage” as it might be possible. The psychologist said that I could take some therapy, and as a chemist, I know that such medicine can destroy one part while healing the other part and drive me crazier, than why? So, I find something else… I see tons of motivational books (“Power is within you” – Louise L.Hay, “Wishes fulfilled” – Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, “The reconnection” – Dr. Eric Pearl, “Power of NOW” – Eckhart Tolle). I read some of them, and devour them hoping that will find something that will help me feel better.
Also did two reconnection treatments (Ohhh… it had been an unusual experience, it might be a unique story). Listened Tony Robbins, Deepak Chopra, Sadguru, Eckhart Tolle, and many more… And in any of them, I noticed one thing, nobody can do anything for me than me for myself. There is no place for giving up; I need to improve myself and go forward. From all this information that I have collected, I have taken what suits me and what’s acceptable and logical.
Excellent, now go ahead and do not let any nonsense stop you from fulfilling your desires!!! In fact, there had been days when I went 1 step forward and 2 steps backward, and when all those panics and fears passed and left me alone (and it passed on that day or the next day or two…), then I continued where I left off. There were days when I asked myself, “what does this day come down… to struggle to stay normal? Common!!!” Let me go further… I want to achieve and experience a lot! Hormones in the menstrual cycle never let you live your life in peace but just juggle you from here and there.
How I manage my days
I found where I could practice Iyengar yoga. According to the description, it suited me the best. To use additional aids was acceptable to me because my joints didn’t work well (of course, that’s also a side effect of pre-menopause). I felt great after those 2 hours of exercise. Also started meditation, which helps me calm my soul and mind at a good level.
Learnt different breathing techniques. It helped me a lot when my heart pulse started to be high and when arrhythmia started, so calm myself with that.
Learning another language helped me remember better. Started using a lot of computer design programs… know to be lost in the time once I am performing on it, and it is good not to have negative thoughts. It’s hard for me to remember things, some information, lyrics, etc., but I write it down on a paper and move on. I do not let my mind be a blur! Yes, it all frustrates me, but I’m moving on!
There’s also time for my long walks… Nature relaxes me, and it’s a true balm for the soul. Then, online or otherwise, time spent with friends is invaluable to me. Just don’t force anything; there were days when I didn’t want to move out of bed. I prefer to stay at home and do almost nothing, only unnecessary things on a day like that. That’s why I’m occupied with something that I love to do and let myself enjoy and find pleasure in it.
I make a schedule, organize myself, and do not let anyone disturb me. Still suffer from recollecting tons of things, but the sensation of trying and doing something that provides me security. You’ve got right for your space and your peace. Everyone around you can say whatever they want, but you’ve to be concentrate on yourself. It doesn’t matter how sound looks like, selfish or crazy but think about yourself! You gave a lot to others, now it is your time, and you have right on that!
When you realize that nothing of this is eternal and accept the current situation, then going through all of it is not very difficult; you do not need to fall into the black hole of hopelessness and give up on yourself. Have faith in yourself. You are a wonderful person! Be your own, enjoy yourself, love yourself! Enjoy this moment. Everything that it’s NOW, within the next moment, is already the past, and you cannot change it. What the NOW is, it is beautiful. It may be better, but it doesn’t matter, and you don’t have to care. Just love the present moment and love yourself!